Hey, you in the red, go look under that body!

Though [...]]]> Preparing for deployment, even to the relatively benign destination I’m headed to (in the Middle East but safer than Iraq), requires extensive preparation.  Training must be completed, health evaluated, equipment gathered, and my family has to be prepared for me be away for a few months.

Hey, you in the red, go look under that body!

Though I won’t be leading any convoys or searching for insurgents, all airmen have be current on certain combat skills…more skills than when I last deployed over 10 years ago.  For example, I never knew how to search a dead body.  You can’t just walk up and start frisking – what if the body is booby trapped?  Unlike on Star Trek we don’t have guys in red shirts to do the dirty work…we have to do it ourselves.  Down on the linoleum we went, in pairs (it was in the 20s today – we were staying inside for this).  One guy played dead, the other conducted the search, then we switched.

As a public service to those in rough neighborhoods, here’s how it goes:  First, everyone takes cover…except you.  Make sure the dead body is just that.  Flicking an eyeball is a good technique (we simulated that).  Lay on top of the body, grab on, and roll – keeping the body between you and any explosive underneath.  After 5 seconds or so someone else peeks out from behind their cover to see if there’s anything underneath (like an explosive).  Assuming the coast is clear the body is searched, rolled over, searched some more.  The body is then left with the feet crossed as a sign that it’s already been checked out.

Searching live bodies wasn’t much fun either.  We simulated the genital search and the ass crack check (“just slide your hand through there like you’re swiping an ATM card”) though I guarantee if I had to search an actual bad guy I wouldn’t be so modest. 

Throttle lock is the black t-handle under the steering wheel

The class ended with a HMMWV (aka Humvee) driving lesson.  Can you believe those things don’t have cupholders?  The heater was effective at least.  One interesting feature – a throttle lock used to apply and lock the throttle in the open position.  As a bright red placard states, it’s not a cruise control (it doesn’t shut off if the brakes are applied).  It’s a survival tool: if the driver gets whacked a passenger can reach over, pull it to engage the throttle and steer the vehicle out of the kill zone.  Serious stuff.

During my drive around base, on and off road, I kept trying to imagine what it would be like to be on a patrol in one of these, knowing bad guys could have set up roadside bombs and may be waiting with guns or rocket-propelled grenades.  I can’t think of words to express the respect I have for the bravery of those going out on patrol or running convoys, doing it for people they don’t even know.

Other useful training: self aid and buddy care (including CPR and defibrillator use).  Think battlefield first aid.  The computer-based training probably took me 4+ hours on top of the classroom “hands on” training.  It used to be a tourniquet was the last option to stop bleeding – now there’s one option beyond that…a hemostatic agent like QuikClot.  Open the wound, mop up the blood, pour in QuikClot until the bleeding stops. 

To show us how effective it is we were shown a video.  A sedated pig had its femoral artery andvein completely bisected (i.e. sliced through).  If that happens to you, you’re not long for this world.  That’s a wicked bad wound.  QuikClotwas applied to the wound and the pig lived (at least until the lunch bbq later that day).  The Internet being what it is, that video is of course online.   It’s graphic, in case you’re not very bright and have no clue what I’m talking about here.  I’m not posting the video because I like gore (I don’t, though Al Gore is okay in small doses), but this stuff is amazing and it’s saving lives over there and in the U.S.

Part of the health portion of my preparation is getting current on my vaccinations.  There are all manners of disease I might be exposed to, either incidentally (like typhoid fever) or through a weaponized disease (like anthrax).  Yesterday I received 3 injections: the first of the anthrax series, the first (of two) for hepatitis B, and typhoid.  I always thought anthrax would be the worst of the bunch but all that did was burn for a minute.  No, it looks like the smallpox vaccine sets the bar for sucky immunizations.

What a lovely hors d'oeuvres fork you have there, nurse!

First, it’s not an injection.  The hole end of what appears to be a large-ish sewing needle is dipped into the vaccine then poked into the upper arm 15 times.  Surprisingly, that didn’t hurt even though the first two sticks were deeper and held in longer.  This is all done manually, by the way.  Good thing it didn’t hurt…as a Major in our group of airmen (junior enlisted) and a 2Lt I had to man up and lead the charge into immunity.

Eh, big deal.  One needle stick or 15, who cares?  The best is yet to come.  Flu-like symptoms (pain, nausea, vomiting) could descend upon me (and may already have started) lasting from a few hours to a month.  In about 4 days the injection site will fill with pus.  During the 2nd week the pus will dry up and a scab will form.  All this time the site is loaded with the vaccine virus (vaccinia virus, not smallpox) that can be spread to other parts of the body or family members.  When the scab falls off, I’m good to go.  Sort of like that little thermometer they stick in turkeys.

The brochure has lovely pictures of what can happen if you touch your injection spot and then rub your eye or start touching other places on your body.  No toweling off the injection spot – don’t want to spread it that way either.  A t-shirt with sleeves at night is mandated – what if I scratch the bandaid-covered spot (since it will be all itchy) when I’m asleep then snuggle up to my wife (the injection was in my right arm and my left hand is my snuggle hand)?  Eww, that’s what.  There are all kinds of rules about covering the site, uncovering the site (it has to breathe, dontcha know) and how one shouldn’t play with the scab when it falls off.  “…throw it away in a sealed plastic bag with a small amount of bleach”, reads the brochure.  Says the same thing about used smallpox vaccine site bandaids, too.

The immunologist said that brochure is over-cautious…I just need to wash my hands if I touch near the spot.  I’m sure we’ll be fine.

I won’t show them here but if you’re really curious you can see a picture of the various stages of the injection site (like “pus-bag”, “oozy goodness”, and “scabalicious”) here.  There’s a bunch of other junk in the brochures I was given about brain swelling and something called “myopericarditis” but given the number of people who have had this vaccine without incident (i.e. the entire U.S. military) I’m not particularly worried.

And it’s better than catching smallpox.

Now go back to your dinner.