My deployment inheritance

 After 3 1/2 weeks here I finally decided to take a close look at the contents of my room.  I know what I brought, of course, but the room was not empty when I arrived.  The base requires the room to be cleaned by the departing tenant though useful items can be left behind.  I was the beneficiary of a couple of shelves of items.

Taken a few day's after my arrival, Patricia's smiling because she thought she'd be going home soon...she eventually made it. Me, I'm working on my pudginess.

I was too tired to care what was here when I arrived; I just unpacked my bags and the boxes I’d sent ahead.  Now that I’ve settled in I’ve become curious about all the stuff piled behind my stuff on the shelves.  Who knows, maybe I’d discover some hidden cache of pornography.  Unlikely, since I know the person who had this room before me – friend and coworker Patricia - she was voted “Least Likely to Have a Hidden Stash of Pornography” by her high school class.

Here’s what my deployed ancestors bequeathed me when they left this world for a better place:

• 48 – 7 ounce Dixie cups left from a pack of 50
• 3 – 16 ounce Dixie cups from a pack of 20
• 22 plastic spoons from a pack of 24

These types of things are free here at the chow hall.  Perhaps this explains why there are so many left over.

• Circular speaker dock for music player, Kirkland batteries included, AC adapter not included
• DC power supply (does not go to speakers)
• 25 W light bulb (2)
• International plug converter
• 2 CVS D-cell batteries (cheapskate) and 1 Duracell D-cell battery
• 2 power strips, 2 extension cords, and a coaxial cable
• Atari Flashback Classic Game Console with 2 controllers, power supply, but no video cables

I was initially disappointed about not having the video cable for the Atari Flashback system, then I read reviews of it.  It sold well but was not acceptable to purists like myself, who spent many hours in front of the original 2600 – in fact, I still have our old Atari VCS.  If I was really jonesing for old school VCS action I could download an emulator but I’ve got plenty to keep me busy.

• Not much blue “Duck tape”
• Red “Duck Tape”, more than blue roll
• A little bit of strapping tape

I’m not sure where all the tape went.  None of it is approved for mailing.

• Pair kindergarten safety scissors, with sheath
• GI Bill quick reference guide
• 1 1/2 pack USO all purpose body wipes
• Store brand Neosporin
• 13 Band-aids in a variety pack of 30
• 2 boxes of 10 BX brand giant adhesive bandages

I’ve hit the 13 Band-aids hard since I removed the skin off the back of one of my heels while running.  The giant adhesive bandages are really large – I could use one patch a sucking chest wound or fix a muffler.  They can’t be for the smallpox injection site – if my smallpox scab had grown that big I would have been shipped to some “Andromeda Strain” facility for confinement.

• 3M Command tape strips and 1 hook
• LED light, weak but working
• Battery operated fan, 8 D-cells and battery compartment covers not included
• BX brand invisible tape, with “Acitape technology”
• Combination lock, 30-12-34
• 1 pack 36 “Cotton Buds” cotton swabs, unopened
• 1/2 roll of toilet paper
• 1/4 box of 375 Q-tips (I’m not counting those)
• USO Operation Care Package containing
  • USO mild shampoo
  • USO roll-on antiperspirant deodorant (scented)
  • USO hand sanitizer
  • OraLine mint toothpaste (with no animal based ingredients)
  • Toothbrush
  • Toothbrush travel cap
  • USO sunscreen (SPF 30)
  • Comb
  • Lens cleaning towelette (2)
• Stack of envelopes, all sealed shut by humidity
• Mary Kay Red Tea & Fig body lotion
• Mary Kay Red Tea & Fig loofah body cleanser (darn, I’m a Avon man myself)
• 1/4 box Huggies baby wipes
• Gold Bond medicated body powder

Gold Bond rocks on hot days.  That’s all I’m saying about that.

• Endust canned air for electronics (2)
• Strawberry scented candle (3)
• Banana Boat Sport Ultra Sweatproof Sunscreen, super size (SPF 50)
• Sunsect sunscreen & insect repellent (SPF 15) (2)
• Make-up mirror, magnified on one side
• Binder
• 6 pens, $3.83 in change, and some sort of gold-colored religious coin, all in a sand castle mold
• Unopened playing cards
• Lysol spray, Spring Waterfall scent
• Air fresheners (was 3, now zero)

Internet safety tip: Performing a Google image search on "assload" is not such a great idea. There are plenty of images available, just none I wanted to see (let alone use here)

Room ancestor Patricia warned me that the room sometimes “smells like ass”.  (She also uses the phrase “assload” to describe a lot of something.  Given her apparent fondness of the fanny I’m glad she didn’t keep a porn stash…or leave it behind.)  I quickly discovered she was right – the room sometimes smelled downright funky.  I tried to eliminate the odor by filling the room with Lysol spray as I was heading out one day but that did nothing except leave a bad taste in my mouth (the a/c fan is quite robust and blew the spray back at me).

The odor was eliminated when I noticed the air conditioner has a lever to select between outside air and recirculated air.  I moved it from “recirculate” to “fresh” – all the odor disappeared for good.  The unit easily handled the 109° day yesterday so I’m confident I’ll spend the next few months enjoying cool, unscented air.

• 4 travel packs Kleenex
• 1 used Chia Homer Simpson
• 1 electronic bathroom scale, working

This is a great find.  Accurately tracking one’s weight is helpful when trying to slim down and the staff of the fitness center really didn’t appreciate me stripping to get my true naked weight using the scale next to their desk.

• Assortment of mattress-sized foam padding that emits odor when poked
• Foam packing material
• AM/FM/CD mini boombox
• Alpina AM/FM electric alarm clock
• Ken-Tech electric alarm clock

I brought 2 battery-operated alarm clocks, placing one within my reach and the other across the room.  I’m not taking any chances when it comes to getting up on time.  The Alpina clock is plugged in but I don’t use the alarm on it.  Just yesterday the circuit breaker to the room tripped knocking out the clock (and refrigerator, and my electric shaver, and my laptop power supply, and the reading lamp in my bed).  I went to the breaker panel in the hall, where a sign warns, “Do Not Open”, instructing me to call the base civil engineers.

Being a good tenant I walked down the hall to the building’s phone and called CE.  “Did you reset the breaker?” was the airman’s response.  “Well, no, the sign says…”, I started to reply before I was cut off.  “Yes, well, I can’t tell you to reset the breaker, but, you know, it will be a couple of days before we can get anyone out there.”  I got the picture – do it myself or move the fridge across the room to the working outlet and have someone wake me in a couple of days to see if my power works.  It took 3 tries but the power is back on.

• 7 loose paper towels labeled “these are clean”
• 1 bottle Lysol all-purpose cleaner, with bleach
• 1 bottle Pine Sol
• 1 bottle Glass Plus
• 1 bottle BX brand fabric refresher (“Compare to Febreeze”)
• 1 broom
• 1 Swiffer Sweeper
• 1/2 box Swiffer Sweeper wet refills

I’m glad we don’t have linoleum floors in our bedroom at home.  I’m somewhat hirsute and looking at the floor it appears I’m shedding my winter coat in response to the heat.  I plan to clean my room on my next day off and the Swiffer Sweeper thing is the perfect tool for the job.  How do I know?  Yahoo presciently served me a Swiffer Sweeper ad…here’s a still shot from it:

That describes my problem perfectly.  It’s as if Yahoo was able to see into my room and assess what products I need.

Maybe I should cover the laptop’s built-in webcam…