A taste of home, also, the Crown seeks revenge

After an unsatisfying night off on Tuesday – I arrived at the chow hall for two consecutive meals after the meat was put away – I savored the thought of steak, which is served every Wednesday for dinner (i.e. my breakfast).  I skipped to the chow hall with a song in my heart…a song about meat, and potatoes, and steak sauce.  Even the challenge of carving up a t-bone with the world’s worst plasticware on a styrofoam plate failed to dampen my spirits.

Do you like what I've done with the place?

My mood was further lifted when I arrived at work to find a large box with my name on it – my first package from home!  Inside the box was homemade chocolate chip cookies, some Easter candy, Fiber One toaster pastries (colon cleanliness is next to Godliness), magazines, an old universal remote control (we have a little TV at the weather desk – sometimes the unmanned aircraft will give us a peek at the weather…plus we have cable.  Live sports – another benefit of the night shift), and other sundries.  Even better than the cookies…letters, cards, a drawing, and photographs.

Though my fellow night shift denizens ravaged the cookies (I barely made it out with a dozen to stash in my room) I waited until I was off work to enjoy the notes and pictures, hanging some up.  It’s amazing how a few photographs really brighten up the room.

Tuesday going into Wednesday, not so great (except for a long Skype video chat with my family).  Wednesday going into Thursday – fantastic!

Until later that same day…

Australians getting ready for deployment in Afghanistan, where they'll hide out among the incredibly short giraffes

Thursday evening – time for the cross-training class led by the Australian dominatrix Julie (the one with the shorts).  Walking sleepily into the class I reach for the clipboard and…hello, wot’s this?  Julie’s been replaced by two British Army guys!  HM The Queen did just have a birthday recently (celebrated across the base) – as part of her gift are the former colonies being brought into line?

The two guys, clad in loose British Army camouflage shorts (a much different pattern from the RAAF “giraffe pajamas” camouflage) and tight shirts (no doubt my wife would approve) demonstrate the exercises.  Just as strenuous as Mistress Julie’s regimen, their drill had more push ups, ab work, and running.  A lot more…

Each participant was given a list of 10 exercises and a mat.  The instructions: perform 10 of exercise 1, run across the gym and back 3 times, perform 10 of exercise 1 followed by 10 of exercise 2, run across the gym and back 3 times, perform 10 of exercise 1 followed by 10 of exercise 2 followed by 10 of exercise 3, run across the gym and back 3 times…etc etc, all the way down the list.

The first item: press ups (Anglo-speak for push-ups).  Of course the Army’s going to lead off with press ups.  This was followed by V-ups, which is like a sit up but you lift alternate legs along with your torso on each repetition.  Apparently a  favorite of the Aussie-Brit set, Julie uses it too.  My issue with this exercise is I’m not so bendy, never have been; my “V” looks more like a curved check mark.  Since it’s still no fun doing it my lame way I must be deriving some benefit from it.

"I do 100 Bastardos a day - now get back under my rule before I make a hat out of you too!"

Other exercise list highlights: close hand press ups (hands close together), BPFA (British Personal Fitness Assessment) sit ups, crunches, this thing where you bend over, walk your hands out until you’re a plank, do a press up (what’s one more?), then walk your legs up to your hands and stand up.  And Bastardos…can’t forget about Bastardos!  They’re best described in this article  except our ending jump was a “star jump” - arms and legs outstretched.  The Bastardo is truly an exercise deserving of its name.

At the end of the hour even the fittest in the class were sweating and panting (so you know I was dying).  I never did complete my list, getting to item 9 before we ran out of time.

I left the class sweat-drenched, fatigued, and with a song stuck in my head.  During warm up and cool down the British Army blokes played “In the Army Now” by Status (pronounced “state-us”) Quo, a song that must be well known in the UK because most seemed to know it.  Here it is so you can enjoy it as much as I’ve been…over and over and over.

On the bright side, I learned that Julie was out of town and would be back.  Not that she’s any easier, except on the eyes.